Grandpa - 11 Years Gone

August 21, 2017

I originally planned to make this post a year ago, but then things got busy, I was too concerned about what I was writing in this post, thought it was too personal, and I just didn't post it. August, 21st 2016 marked the ten year anniversary of my grandfather's passing. It was ten (now eleven) years ago that our family was shocked and saddened by the sudden loss of a great man, my mother's father, Walter Kutz.

After Prom 1957 - 60 Years ago Grandpa with Grandma

It can often be painful to think back on moments like this in life, when you are hit with such a blow that it brings you down to the ground. As time goes on, even though the pain is still there, it is enjoyable to think back about the fun and loving memories you had with that person. I want to take you back to the day that this tragedy happened.

August 21st, 2006. I was at the Ashbury pool with my sister and girlfriend at the time, Katie. They announced our names over the intercom multiple times and when we finally heard we headed to the front desk. It was our parents on the phone and they told us to come home immediately. At the time I was unsure what could be the problem. I was a good kid and surely could not have done something wrong. When you look back on this, you kind of wish you had done something wrong, as the news awaiting us at home was much worse. When we got back to our house we were told Grandpa had fallen and it was not good. We needed to head to the hospital now.

That car ride was one of the worst of my life. I remember crying in the car the entire ride, especially after hearing that he had officially passed on. Sitting in the back next to my sister as she did the same. When we got to the hospital we rushed in to confirm the sad, terrible truth. Grandpa had left us. We went in to say our goodbyes. I remember just standing there with my dad, mom, grandma, aunts, and sister around his body. I could not hold my tears back as they flowed down my cheeks. He looked so peaceful laying there, eyes closed and mouth open, as if he was napping. I eventually said my goodbyes and touched his hand and gave him a kiss on the head telling him I missed him. Death is something in all of our lives, and often can be so very difficult to deal with. I felt really weird for so long, as if he was still with us, and I am sure he is and was in some way or another. It was frustrating and I didn't understand it and didn't want it to be that way.

I remember going home that night and playing a song I had heard on the TV show Grey's Anatomy. How To Save a Life by The Fray. That song was on repeat for the next day, week, months, year, as I recalled memories of Grandpa. If you wish, play that song now while you continue to read and check out the photos.

Here is a list of memories I had wrote down the days following my Grandpa's death:

Him giving us Orange Tic-Tacs every time we were over. We got a pack of orange tic-tacs, often for helping with yard/house work, but sometimes just for stopping by. I recall he would enjoy the mint (white/green) ones in the car for himself.
Building goals (posts) for us out of 2 boxes taped together. He would tape multiple boxes together to make the posts on a goal for my brother and I to play soccer or hockey in their basement with.
Playing catch with him, football and baseball on their “driveway patio”.
Having him tie their basketball hoop that had no base (just a pole) to the house so I could play with one of those yellow/brown squishy balls. Living in the city, their patio was also a driveway and also a spot to play games.
While he tied the basketball hoop, he would tell me about knots, especially square knots. He learned to tie these knots while serving time in the Navy.
Making a hockey puck out of a small pink tin and taping it together with electrical tape for me and my brother to play hockey with. In order to play hockey in the basement, we needed a puck and didn't have one, so he made one for us.
Making a grunting noise each time he caught or threw a ball when we would play catch with him. This is funny now that I look back on it because I do the same exact thing. Wonder where I got it from!?
Him coming to my football games in 7th grade, the first time I had played a "real" organized sport.
Coming to all my lacrosse games and then going to stand off by himself at the end of the field I was playing at. Grandpa would come to all of my games and cheer me on.
Grandpa was my biggest fan. He always thought they were giving the ball to me when they called out our formation, 30 set, 30 was my number so he figured the play was for me.
Giving me a dollar for every goal or assist I had in a lacrosse game. To my benefit, I was paid a lot of $$$ for all those goals/assists.
Him telling me to not pass and just shoot in lacrosse (“I need to shoot more”)
Him telling me that I need to lift weights and build my muscles up. He sure was correct, as I gained something like 30 lbs from senior year of highschool to end of freshman year of college.
Taking me and my family out to Steak 'N' Shake or Culvers after my lacrosse games to celebrate, win or loss.

Taking me (and brother) to the bank and then asking the teller for lollipops (safety pops) for us to have to eat. This was when we were younger I imagine.
Making ice cream cones when we slept over at their house, his favorite was pecan icecream, which I never enjoyed at the time, but now think its quite tasty.
Having him take me and my brother to a Magic Shop and my brother putting his eye on a scope with black stuff on it.
He would sleep in the basement on the couch with a space heater by him when me and my sister and brother would sleep over because my sister wanted to sleep in bed with grandma
Being stopped by a train, and counting all of the railroad cars with him, the most I ever counted on one train
Him dancing, shaking his “new” hips at a party (Christmas after he had his hip replacement surgery)
Him singing How Great Thou Art in church. I'm pretty sure whenever this song is played in church everyone in my family starts crying even today.
Going to the Lord Jesus Church and seeing my Grandpa and Uncle Henry be the head people, hand out papers, do collection, run the show.
Him sleeping at all the family parties in weird positions, usually sitting with his head back and mouth open. Sometimes even snoring!
Him telling me and my brother (sister sometimes) “life lessons” and other sorts of things. I wish I remembered more of these now.
Going to see Anchorman with him at Hollywood Blvd and both of us thinking it was funny. Quite the movie to see with your grandpa, but it has been one of my favorite movies ever since.
Him always making me popcorn when I would sleep over at their house
Trimming the bushes and sweeping up pine needles with him and him telling me that I shouldn’t walk so far with the needles/branches in the pan but move the bag closer to me because that makes it easier. Smart man!
Having to clean the gutters on the roof and one time crawl out the window (He had me do it!)
Playing in my grandparents’ basement before it was redone, with the really hard carpet that was red and had diamonds on it, Grandpa had it duct taped down in the middle of it to keep it together. He was very handy at fixing things any way he could.
Seeing the Christmas lights around the outskirts of the basement always up, grandpa set them up and would just leave them up year round for the most part.
Hearing him whistling as he walked around the house looking for something. I do the same now too!
Having him tell me about his job as a pizza boy and how he used to make pizzas when he was my age 16/17 at the time.
Him telling me to always be nice to my sister because she is a girl.
Giving my Grandpa hugs, not handshakes
Eating French toast in the morning with him and my sister and having him tell me to cut mine into pieces because I would always eat it whole (pick it up and bite off it). Even though I still don't like to cut my food into small bits, I think of this anytime I do.
Last Time I saw him: After my parents vacation, he answered the door wearing a wife beater
Last Time I talked to him: On the phone when he was in California, he asked if the cubs had won and told me to tell my sister that he didn’t hang up on her, he lost the call

My Grandpa was the biggest Cubs fan. Yes he was at the Bartman game in 2003.... Even though it took the Cubs 10 Years after his death for them to win the World Series, I know he would have been extremely happy and proud on that day. I wrote his name on Wrigley Field in chalk after the World Series Victory to commemorate him. Here are a few words my Aunt Ruth wrote after the Cubs won the World Series, "Growing up as a Cubs fan in Brighton Park was pretty crazy back in the 60s and 70s - but when your Dad is a diehard Cubs fan - we had no other choice. Dad listened to WGN radio for every game he could - with the sound off on the TV. (wish we could still do that!). I was able to score some playoff tickets back in 03 - yes - for the Bartman game. It was a memorable night - in many ways! Dad passed suddenly in August of 2006 - and is one of the many who has gone before us - only dreaming for this day! Go Cubs Go!!"

I love you and miss you Grandpa.

And now a bunch of photos of my Grandpa & I from over the years. Enjoy.

2016 also marked the 20 year anniversary of the passing of my Great Grandma. My Great Grandma was my Grandmother's Mother and was an amazing woman who lived to be 90 years old. She passed away in 1996, and even though I have very few memories of her, I know she was a special and amazing woman. One of my only memories of her is how she would watch figure skating in her room upstairs at my grandparent's house. Here are a few photos of her and I.